Give It to me Like you Mean It

A Primer on Presentation.



A very positive externality of this blog has been its ability to amp my creative juices.
It became a motivation to add the missing tools to my kitchen, and add some professionalism to the tasty displays.

Then J, with his "gadgets ain't shit" thinking, gave me a hint of inspiration. He helped me realize that purchasing excessive equipment would achieve a result that expressly fails to align with what this blog stands for.

The following recipe made use of the bounty of mother nature's bosom, in all of her autumn glory (referred to hereafter as MN). I cooked it up and served it in the most beautiful, simplistic way I could, as a token of my appreciation for the hook up on great eats, on the daily. Word up MN.

Proper food presentation can likely be achieved with other shit you have in your kitchen. Creative displays in disguise, items in your cabinets can have many alternate uses.
Did you pass seventh grade geometry?
What about eighth grade art class?

If your answer is yes, read on. You have the necessary tools to be a presentation master. If not, you likely fit into one of two categories:

1. You are either way too young to be reading this and should refer to Bill Nye for better education than I can offer.
   
2. Mom & dad fucked up. Go back to school. Again, my words of wisdom are a lost cause. Go back to school now before you resort to selling your computer for drug money.
   

MN's fall selection for this crash-course on presentation was:

- Yellow Beets, a couple handfuls worth (yellow in this case, cause they're sweeter and more delicious in my opinion)
- Half a Turnip
- A Yellow Onion
- 2 Apples
- Some sort of greens (I used baby spinach)
- A few sprigs of fresh Dill
- Garlic, S&P, Olive Oil (obviously)
- A Pork Tenderloin, or whatever meat you want, served how you want it. (this isn't a pork tenderloin recipe so I won't go into further detail)



Fall, more than any other season, highlights the need for a sharp ass knife in your repertoire of tools. This is no gadget. It is the single most useful tool in your kitchen, especially when MN is throwing root vegetables at you.

Furthermore, get a roasting pan. Real men don't just BBQ, they roast too. While the average man freezes outside in January, turning his steak on the BBQ, you'll be laughing it up inside, convivially charming your guests, cold drink in hand.


Peel the beets, and dice them into small chunks (1/2 cm wide about). Dice the onion and turnip the same way. Mince a few cloves of garlic and toss it in. Garnish with olive oil. Add some S&P. Now we're talking. Toss it all in your roasting pan. Introduce the roasting pan to the cooking box and let them mingle for 40 minutes, at 350. You want the beats to stay slightly crispy.

Now mingle with your guests. They are the reason you are doing this presentation shit after all (no offense MN).

As you remove the goodies from the oven, dice up some lovely red apples, skin on, about the same size as your veggies. Don't dice them earlier or they will turn brown, and your colour matching is out the window.

Now you want to make a nice stack that will highlight the colours that will come to life on your plate. I used a tea mug but any item that catches your eye may do. The laws of physics apply here so choose your weapon wisely. Sure a champagne flute is dope in theory. I won't go into the details of why it won't work...

Lay the diced apples in your mug. Fill it about half way.
On the side, toss the greens in olive oil. Also, toss some fresh dill into the veggies. Lay the greens on top of your apples in the shaping vessel of choice. This will give you a dope colour separation effect. Top it up with the freshly roasted mix of deliciousness. Flip the mug onto your plate and remove it, leaving the veggies in a wonderful stack.



Get creative with how you plate your meat too. Toss some parsley around. Serve the plate hot, and have your meat facing your guests, as in life.

-Dave

Cleaning Out The Kitchen

In my opinion, kitchen gadgets are pieces of shit that are targeted towards people looking for quick and easy ways to cut corners in the kitchen. For the most part, these kitchen gadgets take up a lot of precious counter and cupboard space, loose their novelty after three uses, and don't even work very well. So why the fuck do people buy them? Because they are marketed in such a way that they seem to make a "difficult" kitchen task into a quick and easy one. Well it's usually bullshit, with the exception of two gadgets that I will admit to owning. First being an ice cream maker (ice cream recipes to come), which has been used plenty of times and continues to be used and is made by a quality manufacturer of kitchenware, so it hardly classifies as a gadget and more of an appliance. The other gadget being a magic bullet, which serves its purpose as a small blender/ spice and herb grinder, but you will never catch me making something from that 10-second recipe book. Anyway, I'm straying from the point of this post. You can do anything in the kitchen much better than a shitty slap-chop or an over priced panini press can with tools you likely already have. Instead of paying for a slap-chop, invest in a good knife and a steel or sharpening stone and practice using them. Instead of dropping hard earned cash on a panini grill, buy a cast iron skillet and stop playing about.

Cast Iron is amazing for cooking with as it distributes heat evenly, retains heat well, creates a non-stick surface if seasoned correctly, and requires minimal care. In fact, you hardly have to wash it. No wonder people have been cooking with it before I care to think about. They're relatively cheap and even better if you can find a used one at a garage sale or second hand store. 

So, I'm running off on a tangent again, lets skip to the point already. Instead of using a panini press to make a delicious and melty sandwich, grab a heavy pan, like a cast iron one, and a stack of other frying pans, pots, or whatever has some weight and is close by. Paninis are simple things. You need some quality bread, a cheese that melts nicely and your selection of fillings. I managed to find some sliced smoked turkey, prosciutto, arugula, avocado, apples, goat cheese, provolone, and smoked gouda in my fridge. There were lots of other things in the fridge but I thought these would make for some interesting sammies. I placed the cheese right on the each piece of bread so it gets the most heat and melts fantastically. Place the rest in the middle, close the sandwich, and set it in that heavy pan you got heating up. Butter your bread on the outside if you feel it necessary. I chose not too as I had some pretty delectable ingredients that didn't need much improvement. When you got your sandwich in the pan, get a stack of other pans and just stack them on top of your sandwich. I used another skillet and a heavy kettle to press my sandwich. Let it cook for a minute, give it a peak make sure its browning and melting real nice. 

Flip that sammy when it looks nice, and continue to grill on the opposite side with the pans back on top. When that side is golden brown and your cheese is melted, remove from the pan, slice in half and serve with some sort of delicious dipping sauce, and vow to never waste time or money on a useless kitchen gadget while you revel in the enjoyment of eating the easiest panini ever.

Panini with Prusciutto, Smoked Turkey, Provolone, Goat cheese, Avocado and Arugula

Leaning Tower of Panini: (1st & 3rd layer) Provolone, Grilled Chicken, Goat Cheese, Arugula. (2nd & 4th layer) Smoked Gouda, Apple, Grilled Chicken, Goat Cheese.