This little piece diverges from the traditional recipes we usually throw down. It is inspired by two things:
1. A real-life event. A meal that was subpar by a mile and a somewhat sticky situation in which I swallowed my pride and just ate the food.
2. A website that I have been following closely lately. http://artofmanliness.com/
The Art of manliness is entertaining to see the least. But it serves a greater, almost philanthropic cause, which is to educate men on how to be better men, for the greater good of society. The Art of Manliness lists several etiquette principles, some of which are related to the dinner table.
Learning how to eat well is a beautiful thing. The downside is that it opens your eyes to the extent to which the average North American has not yet realized this… The “Dedicated” individual finds him/herself subjected to a plethora of suddenly unsatisfying meals. So when is it right to push the plate away and raise a red flag to your waiter? And how do you do it politely? I have worked in the restaurant world and ate in my share of eateries. I’ve seen a fair share of both appropriate and inappropriate diners.
I was recently at a work function (I.e. The bill was taken care of for me) and had a terrible meal. I ordered Mushroom Risotto. I was served Orzo pasta in a mushroom sauce that may as well have come from Campbell’s. There are many things wrong with passing off Risotto as Pasta, none of which were bad enough to be a dick about it in front of my boss. I ate a fair portion, told the waiter it was ok (it really wasn’t. It was terrible) and mentioned that I would have preferred a more traditional Risotto. It inspired me to write the following list.
The following is a list of Do’s and Don’ts. It is by no means exhaustive so please add your own by commenting.
1. DON’T make a big deal of it when somebody else is paying, especially if they are eating the same thing and seem satisfied with it. If you are really unsatisfied, probe the bill payer a bit to see how they are feeling and assess whether you want to go there.
2. DON’T do it to get a free/cheaper meal. If you are that cheap, stay home on your plastic covered couch and watch the latest movie you downloaded for a good time.
3. DON’T get pissed at the waiter. He didn’t make your food. Even if he did or if he took the wrong order, your new dish won’t get made any quicker. A courteous customer is one that the restaurant will want to have back again. If anything, politeness will likely score you more food and drinks in the long run.
4. DON’T return food for not measuring up to your standards when it comes as a combo for 10.99.
If there is a hair in it, it’s fair game send back. But don’t return the zucchini fritters at your local diner for being too greasy. You will just seem like a pretentious tool.
5. DON’T return your food if you made the dish overly complicated via customization, you are part of a group and yours didn’t turn out just right. Restaurants have menus for a reason. The Chef likes to do it that way, and he does it best that way. He has a routine. If he has 20 plates to serve in 5 minutes and you throw him an unnecessary curve ball, be prepared to deal with the consequences.
6. DO seem casual and approachable about it. Kindly mention that you are happy to have the extra time to enjoy the beautiful company you are with and that you would love to do so over another round of drinks. See #3 for the causal relationship between courtesy and free shit.
7. DO ask your comrades how they like their meal. If you have stumbled upon an average joint, they are still likely to do a few things well. Hopefully somebody at your table hit the jackpot and will recommend you order that for a safe bet.
8. DO tip your waiter on the full amount of the bill, if items were sent your way on the house. If the restaurant made amends for the mistake, and you got yourself a delicious meal, the waiter likely worked hard to plead your case to whoever signed off on the free shit. Tip him well.
DO let us know if you are stoked on this post. If you are thinking: “why the hell are you telling me this? I read your blog for recipes. Don’t bore me with your etiquette shit. That’s why I subscribe to GQ”, then DO feel free to return it via commentary as well.
Always be polite (swearing is necessarily impolite)
- Dave
Love it!
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